To Try
by Shine

His eyes were burning.

"Justin?"

The lights flared on, and Justin flinched and yanked the covers quickly over his head, wriggling onto his stomach. He buried his face in the pillow.

"Justin, you okay?"

"Yeah," he mumbled, trying to sound sleepy and pissed-off rather than upset, and hunched a little lower under the covers. "Turn the lights off."

"You. Were you crying?" Joey said, sounding worried.

"No," Justin said immediately, and rubbed his nose with a quick motion he hoped Joey didn't catch. "Turn the lights off." The glare was hurting his eyes. That's why they were watering.

"Is something wrong? Is it your mom?" Lynn was back in the States for her mom's birthday, and Chris had sworn on a stack of bibles not to intoxicate or misplace her son while she was gone. Like he'd be crying because of that, Justin thought with frustration. He wasn't five years old. And he wasn't crying, anyway.

"Just turn the fucking lights off, Joey!"

There was a long, drawn-out silence, and then the glare around the edge of his vision disappeared. Justin waited a few seconds and then allowed himself to relax. He heard movement, rustling as Joey undressed, thumps as he bumped into things in the dark. Water running in the bathroom, the thunk of the door as it shut, the creak of springs as Joey climbed into the other bed, and then silence. Complete silence.

Justin didn't trust a second of it.

"Why were you crying?" Joey asked eventually, and Justin fisted his hands under the covers. This was why he hated Joey, he decided. He never gave up. He'd ask anything, even the really embarrassing stuff that Lance would never ask, and he just kept asking and asking, long after Chris lost interest or JC lost patience.

"I wasn't crying," he countered, firming his voice. It sounded pretty good. Good enough to convince him, Justin hoped.

"You left the club early," Joey commented, and Justin winced. Yeah. He had.

"I was tired," he said as evenly as he could. "I'm still tired," he added pointedly, hoping to guilt Joey into leaving this alone.

"We've got a free day tomorrow," Joey said mildly, and Justin gritted his teeth.

"Look, I'm fine, okay? Can't you--just go bug someone else, okay?" Justin burst out, flipping over so that he was facing away from Joey. His skin felt too tight, achy, and his head hurt and his eyes hurt and he pulled his blankets a little tighter around himself. If he started crying again he'd never forgive himself.

"No one else is back. I left on my own." Justin frowned--usually Joey was the one who closed out whatever club they'd found. Joey hummed quietly, a song Justin recognized from the club that night. The words were German, but the beat was catchy anyway. "Did you see that guy?" Joey switched topics fast but Justin wasn't fooled. He kept silent.

"You know. He was wearing, like, this leather vest or something. And he had bright green hair. I bet you saw him." Joey laughed. "I think the entire club saw him. He was dancing on those podiums half the night."

Justin didn't say anything.

"He left with this guy, about the same time you did. I didn't know if you saw. Little blond kid. Blue shirt. Kind of cute, I guess."

Justin trembled, and forced himself to stop. "So what?" he asked, and cursed himself. His voice sounded choked, and he coughed self-consciously, trying to clear it. He hoped Joey wouldn't notice, and knew he would.

Joey shifted again. "Nothing. Just. That kid just made me think of you, a little bit. Dunno why."

Justin's chest felt numb. He couldn't breathe.

Joey went on after a minute, and Justin wondered if there was any way short of force of making him shut up. His mom and Chris and JC and just about everyone would kill him if he started a fight, but it might be worth it. "Anyway, he came back after, like, fifteen minutes and the kid wasn't there. And I was a little worried about him, you know? Young kid on his own and all. So I went up to this guy and asked where the kid had gone."

Oh god, Justin thought, with dread.

"Anyway, this guy told me a bunch of crap. Basically, though, the kid tried to come on to him but this guy played him for a while and then dropped him cold. And the kid ran off. I dunno. I didn't understand it all. His English really sucked."

Justin cringed, speechless with humiliation, and hoped the pillow hid his flaming cheeks. Just hearing about it was enough to make him sick. But Joey's voice was relaxed and comfortable, and Justin almost didn't hear what he said next.

"So I hit him."

Justin blinked and stared into the darkness, mind whirling. What?

"What?" he asked awkwardly, a little hoarse. "Why?"

"Because he was a shit," Joey explained patiently. "Anyway, that's why I'm back so early, because I started a fight. That guy wasn't a problem, I could take him easy, but JC wanted to kill me himself for making trouble so I figured I'd better get back here before he could find me. I'll get it in the morning, though." Joey was grinning, Justin could hear it. He didn't sound particularly worried, although JC in a rage was a pretty scary thing.

Justin closed his eyes and counted to ten very slowly. When he was sure he could talk without his voice wobbling, he opened his mouth. "Did you tell the others?"

"Nope." Joey shifted again. "Piece of crap mattresses. It's none of their business, anyway, why I hit him. He deserved it." A long pause. "Didn't he." It wasn't a question.

Justin fiddled with the hem of the sheet. "He laughed."

"Yeah," Joey's voice was soft and gentle.

"He laughed at me." Justin rubbed at his eyes with the edge of the sheet.

"I know."

"I didn't. I never." Justin stopped, not sure what else to say. "I just wanted--"

"I know," and Joey was suddenly sitting beside him, a heavy weight tipping his mattress to one side. One big hand touched his shoulder tentatively. "I know, Justin."

Justin sniffed, and Joey rubbed his shoulder. "I'm okay."

"I know." Joey's hand never left him, warm and comforting.

"I mean, he didn't hurt me or anything."

"I know."

"You don't know shit," Justin snarled, but it shook in the middle.

"Justin."

Justin sniffed again, and turned over.

Joey scooted down as he did, and Justin buried his head in Joey's chest. The mortification of the past few hours still made his head hurt, and he was trembling a little, but Joey put his arms tightly around him and held on, and Justin closed his eyes and pretended he wasn't crying. Joey hummed that dance song again, over and over, and pretended too.

A long time after Justin had stopped shivering, Joey rubbed his back and pulled away slightly. "Justin?"

"mmm?" Justin was exhausted. He hated crying, it always wore him out. He felt like it was too much energy to open his eyes.

A warm mouth touched his, with painful sweetness, and Justin gasped and opened his eyes, looked at Joey with shock. Joey's face was very close to his, brown eyes big and serious and kind. His mouth was wet. Justin stared at it.

"Next time, you can ask me," Joey said

Fin.