Like A Man
by Shine

Brian leaned back, finishing off his hamburger and using his fries to swipe up the last smears of ketchup left on the plate. "So, what are we going to do tonight?"

AJ grinned. "Strippers?" Brian frowned, jerking his head towards Nick, and AJ sighed. "Or not. Well, D and me got the VCR--why don't we get a video from the motel office? They had Lethal Weapon when we checked in, I know."

Brian nodded. "Yeah, okay. Howie?"

"Sounds good," Howie mumbled around his chicken burger, and Brian grinned at Nick.

"Cool. Nick, tell Kevin we're watching Lethal Weapon in AJ and D's room in fifteen minutes, okay?"

AJ snickered. "Tell him to be sure he puts his pants on first."

Brian scowled and hit AJ on the shoulder while Howie choked up his mouthful of chicken, laughing hysterically. Nick looked blankly at them all, and ran.

Nick dashed down the hotel hallway, barely noticing the ugly carpet or the dismal décor. Reaching Kevin's door, he fumbled out the spare key for Kevin's room--Brian got Kevin's key and Kevin got all the other keys. He listened, but he couldn't hear anything, so he didn't bother to knock, just unlocked the door and pushed it open.

He hadn't gotten a foot across the threshhold, though, when the soft groan made him pull up short. It was deep, and rasping, and unmistakeably Kevin, but like nothing Nick had ever heard before, and he froze. Barely breathing, he edged forward and peered around the doorjamb.

He watched for thirty seconds, holding his breath, then carefully eased the door shut, holding the handle so the latch didn't click. Although he didn't think Kevin would notice right now. He leaned against the door for almost five minutes, trying to work out in his head what he'd seen, and failed. He couldn't explain it, didn't understand it. With a deep breath he pushed away from the wall and headed down to Howie and AJ's room. Brian would know. Brian always knew.

He was shaking. It was cold, but he didn't think it was that. He wanted to cry, but didn't know why. Or how.

Brian looked up from AJ's bed when he came in, kicking aside the shoe that was propping the weighted door open. Howie was on his bed, and the water was running in the bathroom, so he figured AJ was in there. Brian was looking concerned now, and Nick wasn't sure if that was good or not. He didn't feel that great, to tell the truth. His stomach hurt, and his head hurt, and he felt flushed. But he didn't think he was sick.

"Brian, can I talk to you?" he said quietly, and Brian was up off the bed immediately, going out into the hall with him, letting the door fall shut behind them.

"What's wrong, Frack?"

"Can I ask you something?" Brian was older. Brian was, like, four years older. Brian would know.

"Sure." Brian was touching him now, a hand on his shoulder, and he let it steady him. He didn't need to look up to see the worry on Brian's face.

Nick stared at his shoes. "Brian, I, um." He took a deep breath. "Brian, why was Kevin touching his...his..." he was bright red, felt painfully young and stupid and awkward, and Brian was staring at him.

"What?" Brian said weakly.

"He was--um. I went to get Kevin, like you said, but...he was, like--he was touching it, and pulling, and making noises and I didn't know what to do, he was--" Nick couldn't meet Brian's eyes. He still wasn't entirely sure he should be asking this. This was naked stuff, and the one time he'd asked his mother about naked stuff she'd spanked him so hard he cried, even though he was nine and not a baby.

"Oh Jesus," Brian whispered, and he never took the Lord's name in vain. Shock made Nick look up. Brian looked like he'd been hit in the head with a brick.

"Nick," he said faintly. "You do know--oh, fuck, you really don't, do you," and Brian never swore, either. Nick decided he wanted to die. Brian, his Brian, his best friend, was staring at him like he was a freak. This was worse than spanking, he thought miserably, and tried to disappear into the ugly carpet of the hall, hunching his shoulders.

"Nick, Nick--Nicky, it's okay. No, it's okay," Brian said quickly, and stepped closer. "It's okay, I just--I wasn't expecting it. It's okay," Brian repeated, sounding more certain, and then he was hugging Nick, and Nick was shaking and hating himself for it. He uncurled a little, buried his face in Brian's shoulder.

"Nick, it's okay. You just surprised me." Brian was sounding steadier, and Nick wondered if that first reaction had just been shock. "I thought--I just thought you knew about this stuff. Your mom never told you? What about, like, friends at school?"

Nick shook his head and edged a little closer. He'd hadn't dared talk to her about naked stuff after the spanking, and some of the stuff she'd said had convinced him that he shouldn't talk about it with anyone else either. He was still crying, and pressed into Brian's shirt to hide it, but he was calming down as well, he could feel his heart slowing as Brian relaxed. "No, my mom--she didn't want me talking about it," he mumbled into Brian's shirt, and Brian understood, he knew. They knew what his mom was like, after all.

"Okay," sighed Brian, "um. Right." He carefully eased Nick free, and propped him up against the wall. Nick rubbed the back of his hand over his face, while Brian went back to the door and knocked. It was opened by Howie. "Howie, call Kevin's room and tell him what you're doing, okay? Me and Nick are going to go talk."

"Sure," Howie said, looking confused and concerned. "Everything okay?"

Brian nodded. "Yeah. He just--needs to talk." Brian glanced sideways at Nick and Nick shook his head frantically. Brian faced Howie again. "About stuff." Howie looked surprised, but nodded anyway.

"No problem. See you guys," and he let the door close. Brian reached out, pulled Nick towards him. Nick was already taller than he was, but he appreciated Brian's warmth, undisgusted and affectionate, as they headed down the hall to Brian's room.

"Okay," Brian said, as they went in, and pushed Nick down gently on the bed. "Hang on a sec." He went to the minibar--against Kevin's explicit orders never to break the seal, Nick noted--and pulled out a can of Coke and a tiny bottle of rum. He then disappeared into the bathroom and emerged with two plastic-wrapped glasses. "You're still shaking," he said to Nick, who looked down at his trembling hands and realized he was right.

He was crying too, but Brian didn't mention that and Nick was grateful. He felt mixed up, confused, scared for a reason he couldn't understand. But Brian was there, right in front of him, and Brian was steady and real and Nick felt some of the tension lessen. It would be okay. Brian would make it okay.

Brian shrugged. "I won't give you enough to do anything bad, but it'll calm us both down." He sat on the bed and handed the glasses to Nick to unwrap while he cracked open the rum.

Nick watched in fascination as Brian mixed the drinks, pouring just barely enough rum to cover the bottom of the glass in each, and then adding Coke up to the brim. Nick giggled, and Brian grinned at him. "Yeah, okay, so it's not enough to get a fly drunk. You can tell Kevin that when he kills me tomorrow." Nick laughed, and sipped at his Coke. He couldn't even really taste the rum, except as a faintly sharpsweet aftertaste at the back of his tongue. Brian sipped too, and they sat there for a while, drinking.

Nick felt himself begin to calm down, for real, and he didn't think it had anything to do with the alcohol. Brian was relaxed beside him, drinking and with his knee brushing against Nick's leg, and whenever Nick met his gaze, Brian smiled so sincerely that Nick felt something inside him unclench. He knew what they were going to talk about, and the prospect was scarier than anything he'd ever felt before, but this was Brian. Frick. It would be okay, he promised himself, and took another swallow.

When Nick finished his glass, Brian refilled it with pure Coke, then mixed himself another and scooted up the bed to sit against the headboard. After a second Nick followed "Okay," Brian said, and he sounded determinedly casual. "What do you want to know?"

"What was Kevin doing?" Nick asked immediately, feeling the flush rise to his cheeks immediately. Brian blushed too, but he didn't freak out like before, and Nick was grateful. This was his chance, and if Brian was going to let him, Nick wasn't going to let it escape.

"It's called masturbating--jerking off. You know, jerking?" Nick looked bewildered. Brian made the same hand gesture Kevin had been using, and Nick nodded in sudden comprehension. "Okay. It feels good--like, when you're really horny? Turned on," he added, when Nick frowned. "Aroused, you know? When your," Brian took a drink, "when your cock gets hard, that's when you're turned on. And when you masturbate, it feels really good, and then you come."

Nick nodded slowly. "What's a cock?"

Brian leaned his head back against the headboard. "This isn't working. Nick, what do you know about sex?"

"Nothing," Nick said immediately. Which was true. He had a vague idea that men and women were involved, and so was his penis, but beyond that he was clueless. There'd been a class at his school, but his mom had written a letter and he'd spent that period with the art teacher instead, doing his homework. Brian muttered something under his breath and rubbed his face. Nick winced, but Brian wrapped an arm around Nicks's shoulders, reassuring and strong.

"No, Nick, it's okay. My bad--we'll just start at the beginning, okay?" Brian was red and the hand holding his glass was shaking just a little bit, but his eyes were wry and light and not angry, not upset. He grinned at Nick crookedly, and Nick smiled back. "I meant it, Nick. You can ask me anything."

Right then, Nick decided he loved Brian.

It took four hours, all told, and Brian had finished the bottle of rum and had to go on a Coke run by the time it was over. Nick didn't even know what to ask at first, so he started with vocabulary--asking again about cocks, and then from there learning about asses, and pussies, and cunts, and dicks, and boobs, and tits, and balls. Then Brian moved into the mechanics of sex, orgasms and intercourse and blowjobs and kissing and handjobs.

That led back into masturbation, and Brian described how a man jerked off and blushed bright red when he promised to get lube from a drugstore if Nick wanted it. He went speechless when Nick asked if he masturbated, but managed to nod, and told Nick that it was nothing to be ashamed of, private but not dirty, so long as you cleaned up afterwards. He smiled after he said that, and Nick got the joke and laughed. Brian looked relieved and ruffled Nick's hair.

Then it was who people had sex with, and Nick almost felt bad for Brian, who he *knew* was dying of embarrassment, but still managed to talk with an even voice about men sleeping with men, and women with women, as well as men with women. About being gay, and what that meant other than sex. That Kevin was bisxual, and Howie was gay, and AJ had never said what he was but Brian thought he might be bisexual as well. That it was okay.

He told Nick what he knew of how women jerked off, and then found out Nick hadn't had Health in school and started in on anatomy, and babies, and how they were made. He cracked open another bottle of rum for that one. Nick found a notepad in his duffle and Brian drew diagrams.

So then he talked about birth control, and abortions, and Nick *finally* understood what Brian had meant all these years when he said he was pro-life, and appreciated that Brian made sure to tell him about the other side as well, and let him decide. Brian relaxed after a while, and Nick leaned against him, listening to his heartbeat with one ear and Brian's voice, only slightly quavery, as he talked about dating, and meeting girls, and what a period was.

And when it was over, Nick hugged him so hard Brian yelped, and then started laughing, with a strong undercurrent of relief. "Thank you," Nick said earnestly, and Brian grinned.

"No problem," he said. "Anytime. You okay now?"

Nick nodded.

"'Kay. Come on, we'd better get to bed, we've got that photoshoot tomorrow, and Kevin'll kill us if we're tired." He climbed off the bed and stripped off his shirt, heading for the bathroom. "You want the shower now?" he voice floated out as the water from the sink started up, and Nick shook his head, even though he knew Brian couldn't see.

"I'll take one in the morning," he said. A shower meant wet hair, which meant it would flop all around in his sleep and get all crooked and fluffed, and hairdressers hated that. Brian, with his shorter hair, didn't have the same problem. He pulled off his clothes and dropped them into his dirty-clothes bag, then pulled on a t-shirt and flannel pajama pants and crawled into bed. He folded his arms behind his bed and stared at the ceiling consideratingly.

It took him almost the whole of Brian's shower, but he finally worked up the nerve to slide his hand down his chest, inside his pants, and fold it around his cock. He wasn't hard, just slightly stiff, and he felt tender, sensitive. He played with it a bit, running his fingers along the shaft, circling the head, keeping his ears peeling for the sound of the water switching off. When it did, he pulled his hand back out and put it back behind his head, unable to stop smiling.

When Brian came out, he grinned at Nick, as though he knew what Nick had been doing. Nick grinned back, helpless and dizzy and relieved and feeling, all of a sudden, older and stronger and smarter. Knowledge is power, he remembered, from what his tutor had told him a few weeks ago, and he understood that now. He *felt* powerful. Grown up and mature, a bit less like a child and a lot more like a man.

Fin